


Rediscovering love

by robliz



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 12:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11828874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robliz/pseuds/robliz
Summary: The mismatch between Bernie's fantasies and the reality of seeing Serena again send her into a tailspin.Because there aren't enough reunion fics yet!





	Rediscovering love

All the way there, stuck on what seemed like endless trains, Bernie’s mind produced different images, scenarios of seeing Serena again. Maybe she’d be there at the train station. Maybe she’d surprise her in Paris. Maybe Bernie would have to make her way to the little cottage Serena lived in herself. But in all these fantasies, one thing remained constant. The instant they saw each other they would run towards each other and fall into a passionate embrace, not worrying about where they were or who was watching. And Bernie imagined kissing those perfect lips again and again before they fell into bed together.

The reality, as is often the way, was very different. Serena was there at the train station to meet her off the train; Bernie had rung last night to give her all the details. She climbed off the train, duffel bag slung over her shoulder and there Serena was, wearing a pale coloured sundress and with hair shorter and greyer than before, but just as beautiful as ever. There was no running towards each other though. Serena stood still, raised one hand to wave at Bernie, and Bernie stood there on the platform just staring. There, only a few metres away, was the woman she loved. She knew she loved her, always would, but what she had forgotten, and what the change in her appearance was reminding her of, was that she didn’t really know her any more. They hadn’t seen each other in months, barely even spoken for much of that time. So much had happened that they needed to process and Bernie didn’t know whether they were going to be able to.

She took a couple of steps towards Serena, willing her reluctant feet to keep moving. Serena approached her as well.

“Serena,” Bernie breathed, not trusting herself to speak more than that. There was a layer of awkwardness surrounding them. Bernie didn’t know whether she was allowed to touch Serena, to reach out and hug her, kiss her. Didn’t know how Serena was, whether she was coping with her grief or not. So she just stood there, staring, hoping Serena would make the next move. All that bravery that she’d had before had vanished the instant she laid eyes on Serena again.

Serena smiled at her and Bernie felt relief flood her body. Serena was smiling, a full, happy smile that reached her eyes. A smile that Bernie hadn’t seen since before Elinor. It encouraged her to take the last few steps and stand before Serena.

They stood there, a metre or so apart, silently, taking each other in. Serena reached out a hand towards Bernie’s but dropped it before it made contact. Bernie cleared her throat and looked away.

“Good journey?” Serena asked, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen between them.

Bernie nodded. She opened her mouth but no words came out. What was she supposed to say? Serena gave her a small shy smile before pointing at the car park.

“Shall we?”

Bernie followed her to the car park where Serena unlocked a little red car. She popped the boot and Bernie slung her bag into it. There was a small kerfuffle as Bernie almost climbed into the driver’s seat, not realising the car was left hand drive but it was soon sorted and Serena drove them out of the town and into the countryside, neatly manoeuvring the car around sharp bends and along tiny single track roads. Bernie said nothing, just looked out of the window, taking in the views. She suddenly felt incredibly guilty for being here, for getting in the way of Serena’s healing time. Serena didn’t need an angry ex-army medic who’d just had her job swept from beneath her feet to look after. She didn’t turn to Serena, didn’t see Serena’s worried eyes glancing over at her over and over again.

It wasn’t long before they pulled up in front of a little cottage nestled on the edge of a small village. Serena put the handbrake on and switched the engine off. They sat there quietly, Bernie’s eyes fixed on the horizon out of the front window. Serena opened the car door but Bernie still didn’t move. She climbed out and walked around the car to the passenger side, carefully opening the door and kneeling down next to Bernie.  She reached over and put her hand gently on Bernie’s arm. Bernie jumped and turned to Serena with wide eyes.

“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want, darling, but will you at least come inside? I’ll put some tea on.”

Bernie released her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. She watched Serena struggling with her overly large duffel bag before taking it off her. Serena unlocked the door to the cottage and Bernie followed her in. She stepped in what was clearly the living room. Serena disappeared through another door and returned after a few minutes bearing two mugs of tea. Bernie was still stood in the middle of the room, duffel bag in her arms.

“Put the bag down over there and come and sit down,” Serena instructed.

Bernie did as she was told, dropping the bag at the bottom of the stairs and sitting down on the edge of the sofa. Serena placed a mug in her hand and she sipped it gratefully. She closed her eyes as the warm liquid hit her throat. The guilt was getting worse. She knew she shouldn’t have come. And now she was just sitting here, not speaking to Serena, who was being so kind and understanding. She thought she was better than this, thought she had learnt how to express her feelings around Serena, even if no one else got a look in. But suddenly she was back to square one. Tears began to fill her eyes and she reached up a hand to wipe them away.

“Oh Bernie, come here,” Serena said, removing the mug from Bernie’s hand and pulling her in close, an arm wrapped around her waist.

Bernie wanted to pull away, wanted to run. How could she inflict herself on Serena like this? But Serena held tight and the fight went out of Bernie. She dropped her head onto Serena’s shoulder, wrapped an arm around her middle and let the tears fall unencumbered. She cried for herself, for the loss of the trauma unit and for Serena and Elinor.

Serena’s closeness calmed her and her tears soon dried up. Reluctant to let go of her, Bernie gripped Serena tightly, her face pressed into her neck.

“I’m sorry,” she said into Serena’s skin, “So sorry. It should be me looking after you.”

Serena reached a hand up and brushed Bernie’s hair off her face. “Nothing to apologise for Bernie.”

Silence fell again but it was a more comfortable silence now.

“How long is it since you let yourself feel things?” Serena asked eventually, her hand still stroking Bernie’s hair.

“I feel things,” Bernie replied, confused by what Serena was talking about.

“No I mean really feel things. Let yourself go, cry, shout, whatever.”

“I shouted at Hanssen yesterday.”

Serena laughed. “You did? Well good for you. He needs someone to keep him in line sometimes.”

Bernie adjusted herself on the sofa, trying to find a more comfortable position while still having Serena as close as possible.

“Did you ever speak to anyone about everything that happened with me and Elinor?” Serena asked quietly once Bernie had settled again, her fingers resuming their movements on Bernie’s head.

Bernie shook her head.

“It affected you too,” Serena continued, “I couldn’t see it at the time, too caught up in my own grief, but looking back now I can see how awful it must have been for you. How awful I was to you.”

“You were grieving. It didn’t matter.”

“It did. I shouldn’t have acted like that. You probably shouldn’t have let me.” Serena’s fingers stilled for a moment. “You know I still can’t believe that you wanted to come here, to see me, after everything that’s happened.”

Bernie sat up in shock. She stared at Serena. “Of course I wanted to come here. I love you.”

A bright smile lit up Serena’s whole face. “Really?”

“How could I not love you, Serena Campbell? You are the most beautiful, kind, amazing woman I’ve ever known.”

Serena cupped her face in her hands and kissed her. Bernie let out a gasp, she’d forgotten what it felt like to kiss Serena, forgotten how soft her lips were, how right it felt.

“I love you too, my fantastic, fearless army medic,” Serena said as she pulled away, “And I’m so glad you are here.”


End file.
